I spent 3 hours in my home recording studio. I was recording vocals and was trying to hit a very hard series of notes. I nailed it after 2 hours and listened. You can hear the vocals, but the EQ settings were tweaked in just the right way where you can hear my dog licking his nuts. KMN
Submitted by: The Voice (Man)
Continue readingThe toilet on the top floor of my house burst, soaked the bathroom, and water dripped down into the kitchen and the basement for hours when nobody was home. Eight blowers and a dehumidifier later, the house is about 90 degrees and I can’t leave. KMN
Submitted by: Soaked (Man)
Continue readingAt work, I finally got my nametag. I had been using other people’s names like Maria and Caie for a week, so I was happy to be called my own name. I put it on and got to work. Ten minutes later, I was called into the office. I got laid off. I got to wear my nametag for 10 minutes. KMN
Submitted by: What’s My Name (Woman)
Continue readingWhile I was babysitting my nephews, the 7-year-old boy walked up to me and asked if I was a lesbian. I laughed it off. An argument ensued about my sexuality for a good two hours. I lost. KMN
Submitted by: A lesbian (Woman)
Continue readingI moved to Florida because I have poor circulation and need to be in a warm environment. The first day at my new job, I discovered my co-worker is an overweight man who wears a wool suit every day, and insists on keeping the office chilled to 65 degrees. I can’t feel my fingers or toes. KMN
Submitted by: Ms. Freeze (Woman)
Continue readingToday, I realized that our generation will be remembered as the kids who liked sparkly vampires. KMN
Submitted by: Twi-hard (Woman)
Continue readingI was auditioning for a talent show. I asked my girlfriend if I could sing to her before I went. Thirty seconds in, she got up and mumbled, “You’re only going to embarrass yourself.” KMN
Submitted by: William Hung (Man)
Continue readingI started my community service at the dog pound. I like animals so I thought it would be a good place to do it. As I arrived they were throwing dogs that had been euthanized into a dump truck to be taken to a landfill. That was my job for the day. KMN
Submitted by: Anonymous (Woman)
Continue readingI found out I was getting a divorce today. My wife is leaving me for my brother, saying that now that he has money there is nothing that can stand in their way. I recently decided to send him money to help him get back on his feet. KMN
Submitted by: The Sucker (Man)
Continue readingMy mom showed up completely hammered to a party I was throwing.The party was to celebrate the ten years that I’ve been sober.
Submitted by: AA (Man)
Continue readingMy boyfriend and I went for a late night walk along the beach. We decided to sit down on a log. It was a dead seal. KMN
Submitted by: Log Lady (Woman)
Continue readingI noticed that my neighbor’s house has a clear view of my daughter’s bathroom. There is a telescope in his window. KMN
Submitted by: Curtain Shopping (Man)
Continue readingThe fitting room of the store I worked in smelled really bad. The customers started to complain and since I was on fitting room duty I went to go investigate. A middle-aged woman pooped on the floor and then put the chair on top to cover it. KMN
Submitted by: Dirty Job (Woman)
Continue readingTwo of my girlfriends and I went to a bar. The only action any of us got was a 50-year-old man who came up and handed us “An origami vagina for the pretty ladies.” KMN
Submitted by: Origami Princess (Woman)
Continue readingMy boss confessed to me that she doesn’t know how to change the staples in the staplers at work, so she just switches staplers when they run out. We work at an office supply store. She makes six figures. I make $10 an hour. And she just got awarded a trip to Aruba for doing a “great job”. KMN
Submitted by: The Staples Girl (Woman)
Continue readingI met this really nice guy at the mall and he gave me his number. Later that night, I texted him. We got on the subject of food, and I started talking about how much I love veal. He responded with saying I was supporting animal murder, that I should go to hell and lose his number. KMN
Submitted by: Veal-ed The Deal (Woman)
Continue readingAt work, our team started a new sales strategy of selling flowers to men by asking them to buy one for their lovely ladies. The first guy I ask ends up crying and telling me his wife passed away a week ago. The woman with him was actually his sister. KMN
Submitted by: Bad Saleswoman (Woman)
Continue readingI was in a public restroom when the girl in the stall next to me started asking me how I was doing. Thinking it was weird but not wanting to be rude, I answered her questions. Halfway though our conversation she said: “Hold on, the girl in the stall next to me thinks I’m talking to her.” KMN
Submitted by: Bathroom Talker (Woman)
Continue readingI had organised to go for an all day fishing trip, but had forgotten to book a day off. I called my boss and told him that I had to stay with my mum in hospital after a car crash that she had last night. He called me a liar and fired me. Turns out my mum is having an affair with my boss. KMN
Submitted by: Unemployed (Man)
Continue readingI missed my bus by a minute. I called up my step dad asking him if he can drive me because I had a test first period. After about calling him twenty times, and him not picking up, I see him drive by the bus stop pointing at me and laughing hysterically. KMN
Submitted by: The Red-Headed Step Child (Man)
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